| No se. |
[04 Feb 2009|09:21pm] |
I am too fucking sensitive for my job. I keep getting attached to my patients and then they die. It breaks my heart and I can't help it.
This one lady had cancer, and they went to biopsy her lungs and they ended up puncturing both of them before even getting the peice of tissue needed to figure out what stage her cancer was in. As if that wasn't enough, the surgeon placed a chest tube in to suction out all of the crap and help keep her lungs free of excess blood and they put it in wrong. It would bubble and get air in it, which isn't good. They replaced that and was eventually going to do another biopsy, hopefully with it being successful. I can only assume that she didn't even make it to the next surgery. She wasn't stable.
Her husband had recently died of the same thing a month earlier at our same hospital. I think she lost her will to live, her family told me how close they were. They were married for 61 years.
I went to visit her every day I was working, even when she moved down to ICU. She expired on Sunday, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I saw her last on Saturday, after I got off of work. I couldn't stay long because it was my son's birthday and I needed to get home quickly to spend time with him.
I can't stop thinking about her children. They were so wonderful, took such good care of her. They told me stories of their childhood and told me about their whole family and what the dynamic was like. They are all amazing people and I can't stop wishing that they didn't have to go through this. Devastating things always seem to happen to the best of people and it's not fair.
I'm going to her funeral this Saturday. I want them to know that I took the very best care of their mom and that I'm always thinking about them.
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[14 Oct 2008|02:58am] |
I am miserable and it shows.
Hurry up, Friday.
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| Weirdly comforting.. |
[13 Aug 2008|11:03pm] |
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The massive amount of lightning strikes across the dark sky is very soothing. The rumbling of the thunder makes me calm.
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[05 Jun 2008|09:13am] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOO!
I can't believe a year has already passed. I feel like I was just pregnant yesterday. Cameron has grown up to be such an amazing little girl. She is strong, assertive and curious. She is smart, figuring little things out on her own already. She walks, talks and is now even climbing to get to things she loves. She pretends to talk on the phone and her favorite word is 'grandpa'. She is an animal lover, spending most of her time harassing Bill, Mylo and sometimes Chico. She loves people and new places, having no fear of either.
I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful little girl. I never thought in a million years that I would even have a daughter, much less one that is so perfect and adorable.
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| layouts |
[27 May 2008|12:47am] |
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i'm tired of my layouts. i want cupcake themed layouts for lj and myspace. i've spent the better part of the evening trying to make one myself but i have given up hope. i tried finding a nice community on lj but that hasn't worked. can someone make me a layout or point me in a good direction?? :/
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| My cookie monster: |
[04 May 2008|11:01pm] |
I love her. She will be 11 months old tomorrow.
(Where has the time gone?)
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| Really, Kanye? |
[18 Apr 2008|02:57pm] |
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The rapper has recently attributed his fascination with women's breasts to being nursed by his mother. He confessed to New York Magazine, "I have liked big tits ever since I was a kid. I was breastfed for too long I think. It messed me up."
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| i'm sick. |
[17 Mar 2008|11:49am] |
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again. cameron is sick, too. she was up all night coughing and crying. i'm not going to work today. it's cold and i'm only scheduled for 3 hours. this reminds me that i need a better paying job.
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| LOL |
[04 Mar 2008|10:17pm] |
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| Hmm. |
[04 Mar 2008|12:42am] |
I just applied for an admin assistant job at UMC. I am qualified for it and hope that they can consider me for the position. I'm not entirely sure how it will work with school, but I'll figure it out. I need to get away from Gap. Not that I hate it there or anything, but the money sucks and I spend way more than I make with their awesome discount. I need to get back to a real job, anyway.
I can't wait for this semester to be over with. I am totally done with my psycho math teacher.
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| Stupid. |
[03 Mar 2008|12:09am] |
I know it's awful, but I went tanning today. I was in for 5 minutes. I am a little pink, but not bad. I am going back tomorrow. On the info sheet they make you fill out when you first sign up to go, they ask why you want to tan at a salon - my response: to get sexy.
Skin cancer is seriously sexy. I can see why people get addicted to this!
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| My oven broke. |
[22 Feb 2008|10:36pm] |
Well, not my whole oven, but the coil. It was ceramic and I suppose something dripped on it and while it would get hot it made it really brittle. A large piece was on the bottom of the stove and I didn't even notice it until I tried making dinner. I should've known something was up when my pizza took an hour and a half to cook partially. :[ I hope that the coil isn't a million dollars.
( some mischevious pictures of cameron & chester )
I am obsessed with that Miley Cyrus song - "see you again". That and Ashlee Simpson's "outta my head".
P.S. yesterday I went to the gym again and was on the elliptical for 30 minutes and walked a mile and then went with my parents to the park and walked another mile. I went to Sunflower Market and bought some healthy snacks - ingredients to make lactation cookies and some trail mix [made up mostly of almonds and dried fruit]. I was bad today because I ate uncooked pizza and had two glasses of soda. I now feel like complete crap.
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| Resolutions. |
[02 Jan 2008|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
1. Get into shape. I am leaving this one pretty open because I don't want to be down on myself if I don't make it to the gym every single day for half an hour. I just want to be healthier and I would love to feel good about myself.
2. Try my best in school this year. I plan on going spring summer and fall, so hopefully I can do good and get a lot of classes out of the way so nursing school isn't so far away.
3. Find things to do that make me happy other than shopping. I use that as an outlet and I now have no spending money because I've bought so much lately.
I don't think what I'm putting up there is too much to ask of myself. Let's see how I do.. maybe I'll update more with progress. Oh, I got an idea from a friend on my myspace list - a 365 day project. I would take a picture of myself every single day and post it. It might not be the same angle or even the same direction, just a picture of me. I wonder if that would help me see the things I could imrpove on and give me the motivation to make those changes. I still have to think about it because for some reason, the idea of taking a picture every day even when I don't feel like I look my best scares me. I am not perfect and having everyone notice that will be hard, even though it shouldn't be.
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| My Giftmas haul.. |
[27 Dec 2007|03:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
Jeff:
ipod shuffle [for the gym!]
colored plates for ipod shuffle
hairspray DVD
mac 182 buffer brush
real pearl earrings
super mario galaxy
My parents:
frank sinatra book
box of deluxe junior mints
4-pk of dark chooclate peppermint starbucks frapuccino drinks
my girl DVD
steel magnolias DVD
rudy DVD
In-laws:
Old Navy jacket
SD card for my phone
wifi for Wii
wii charger for controllers
TiVo
sterling silver bangle
random mary kay samples
sterling silver bead bracelet
blue & green beaded bracelets
starfish ring
$50 [from Jeff's Grandma]
I got Jeff the best stuff ever. I got him the rocky anthology & GT3. I also got him clothes, but that's pretty boring. James got a million puzzles, a big boy bike, TONS of other random toys and Cameron received clothes, toys, earrings and books.
If I wasn't so bitchy and moody, this Christmas would've been the best. I think I may be going through a mid-life crisis or having random stress-induced panic attacks. Whatever the hell it is, it's not fun and I think my husband is starting to hate me.
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| i'm going to lose my mind! |
[21 Nov 2007|01:10pm] |
- I took my assessments and tested into: math 86 (lol), writing 101 & reading 112 (lol)
- Chester scratched cameron right under her eye :[
- Chester chewed a cable outside that's attached to the house which caused our internet to die.
- Jeff went to Nogales (Mexico) and came back completely wasted on monday night and I had to go get him from the office. That's the night my internet died and I really wished to have it to vent about how fucking annoyed I was about it all.. now my anger seems useless and kind of silly.
- I work on Black Friday.. 6 AM! Who the hell is going to shop at Gap that early in the morning??
Too much is going on lately.. I'm working a lot, taking care of my kids, trying to keep the house clean (but that's not working very well at all, clothes aren't put away and the floors haven't been swept or mopped in a while) and trying to get started in school. It's taking it's toll. I am in desperate need of a night alone or a night to drink a margarita or even a coffee (oh yeah, I like coffee now?) and relax.
I want to go see Enchanted, anyone wanna come with me?
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[05 Nov 2007|12:23am] |
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I feel so old.
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trappedinastar's journal
